Leadership is an art

Maybe this post belongs on a post about my autism, but I don't (yet) blog about that. So here it is, on a blog about my recent trip to Romania.

We are a group of adults (and when I say adult, at 65, I am one of the younger ones) being led on a journey to some historical and significant sites to world Jewry. We are not your average tourist group, preferring to dwell on historical events, cultural nuances and contextual places. Moreover, we all know most of the others in the group - from previous groups and events and from the Jewish community in general.

Democratic Leadership

We are guided by the incomparable teacher and educator, Jeremy Leigh who has a knack of turning the most obscure sites, sounds and visions into a profound learning experience. He is not only a teacher and a guide on our trips, but he is also a leader. He takes us to places where he converts the mundane into a marker from which our learning takes place.

We have been on many trips led by Jeremy and they have always left us in awe - of the places he's taken us to (both geographically and spiritually) and his ability to take us with him on his cultural voyage.

His leadership style is encompassing, democratic and warm. He has us doing things because we want to, because it enhances our experience and because it helps to get the best from him. He empowers us to take on the learning.

By necessity, he has someone with local knowledge who facilitates the practicalities. Her job is to put us in touch with locals, buy the necessary entrance tickets, recommend and book hotels, deal with the driver and all the venue proprietors ... that sort of thing.

Bureaucratic (?) Leadership style 

Bureaucratic would be a generous description. Autocratic would be more accurate.

My first encounter with (let's call her) "Shoshana" is at the airport. As I exit , I am confronted with an imposing woman barking orders at us, indicating that we should buy something to eat at the little kiosk (I have made my own sandwiches).

 

I try to get to know her, and remark that it sounds like an Israeli name and accent, and ask whether she speaks Hebrew. She answers tersely that of course she does and then begins to gather us together authoritatively. No engagement with me, no polite interaction; just a business-like efficiency to get us all in the same place at the same time.

Anybody who knows me well, knows that I don't take kindly to authority. I now know that this is an autistic thing, but knowledge of such doesn't make it any easier to tolerate.

Throughout the week, her manner has been to present us with directives and issue rules and regulations. She would regularly stop Jeremy (or whoever else might be talking at the time) to remind us of the time and where we ought to be.

As we leave the airport on that first day, she declares that we are not allowed to eat on the bus and it is imperative that we don't stand up while the bus is in motion. I am in shock. We have never had anyone tell us what to do on these trips. 

 

I understand the eating thing might have come from the driver. However, it transpires that the driver didn't mind at all and later put rubbish bags at intervals down the aisle so we could be respectful of his bus whilst eating.

Her reason for the not standing up directive is that she once had someone fall over whilst doing so.

Whilst crossing the road she would usher us off the bus, wait until everyone was assembled and then direct the traffic to stop while we crossed. More than the traffic, her directions were pointed at us, ordering us to hurry up. Might I remind you that we are all of a certain age and are fairly au fait with how to cross a road by this stage of our lives.

 

On one occasion, we had left a museum. I was the first out and arrived at the junction where we were to cross the road.  She ordered me to wait for all the others so that we could cross together. I just ignored her and proceeded to cross anyway.

I am a renegade. On these occasions, I would march out on my own, on one occasion circumnavigating the bus so that I could be in a different place to cross.

Examples of her autocracy abound. I tried to be polite about my resistance on most occasions (and there were many!), just quietly doing my own thing without confronting her, but she broke my resolve with the last two episodes.

Episode 1

We are on the bus on one of our lengthy journeys. Most of us are sitting down and talking to those nearby. I am having a conversation with Jeremy over three rows of seats, and want to show him something on my phone which is relevant to what he has been saying.

 

I get up and walk down the aisle towards him, and am immediately confronted with a very loud, "No!" from Shoshana. 

I was very quick to answer that I am an adult and I will take full responsibility should my movement result in my falling over. She went quiet. I felt like I had taken on the beast and won.

Episode 2

We are due to leave at 3 a.m. after our last day of the trip. We gather together in the foyer for some final farewells and thank yous. As we are disbanding for our respective early nights, she mutters something about waking up at 2:15. 

 

I didn't pay her any attention because I don't sleep when I have to get up very early. I am very much a late night person and I would never be able to wake up if I were to sleep before such an early wake up.

I go about my business, packing my bags, playing some scrabble online, trying to find some decent news on the TV (but then resorting to my phone), reading. I have my shower at about 1 a.m. and then get dressed, ready to leave. 

At 2:15 the reception rings with my "wake-up call". I was livid!

 

This is not about being woken up; I wasn't asleep. This is about taking away my locus of control. Usually, I wake up ten minutes before I leave the house for work. She has decided that I need 45 minutes (!) to get ready. If I had been asleep, I would have lost out on half an hour's sleep. She hasn't taken into account that we all operate differently, that we all need different amounts of time to get ready. She has failed to see us as individuals.

Locus of Control

This is the essence of where her leadership style was lacking; she endeavoured to make us mere tourists rather than travelers - following instead of discovering, listening without engaging, doing without thinking. She attempted to remove any agency or decision making in everything we did. I am no psychologist, but I do have several certificates in counseling. I know that we all need agency - a sense of autonomy and control, having volition to make our own choices and decisions. Without agency, we are automatons; without a locus of control, we are prone to depression.

 

Last evening

On the last evening we had all had a meal together in a restaurant in the centre of town. On completion of our meal, she once again took on the task of ushering us out and towards the bus that was waiting for us on the square.

 

Once again taking the ushering very seriously. At one point, she actually took me by the arm and tried to force me forwards.

 

We got to the corner where the bus was supposed to be and were met with a handful of gendarmes. Tonight was a huge festival in the town square and they were about to have a parade of large puppets.

 

 

 

A gendarme spoke to me and told me (in Romanian, but I asked him to repeat in English) that I couldn't wait there. I looked up and Shoshana is looking decidedly stressed. For the first time someone else - someone with higher authority - was telling us what to do.

 

The gendarmes eventually each grabbed a barrier and used them to force us backwards. This was actually quite comical. It was as if the state was stamping their authority on where we should be, despite Shoshana's best attempts. It was almost like she was getting a taste of her own medicine and she really didn't like being told what to do.

 

("Shoshana" does not appear in either of these photos)